March 15, 2003 - 7:39 a.m.

Stunned

Oh how my life enjoys being contrary!

Just as I was beginning to get used to the idea that there was no chance of ever reclaiming the lost Eden of my relationship with the ex-boyfriend, I got a surprise phone call last night. Then I woke up this morning at about 6:30 and couldn't get back to sleep, I suspect due to the lingering shock of it all.

I don't want to go into too many details, because it's all very complicated and even I am only beginning to get a decent understanding of it. Basically, Sam called and we may have a shot of being together after all. I guess the passionate, go-for-broke desperation of my last email (asserting both that I could very well live without him thank you very much and that I really didn't want to) did the trick. Who'd have dreamed it? Certainly not me! I really thought of the missive as more about having the last word and setting the record straight. I almost regretted sending it, it was so bitter and emotional, having no idea Sam would find it a bit of a revelation.

There are no guarantees, of course, since the same challenges of distance are still there - perhaps even more so. I fear that rebuilding a relationship over distance will prove even more difficult than maintaining one. Which is why, if we can make this work, I suspect I may have to move to Virginia in the fall. But first things first.

The first step is to see each other and go from there. I'll probably go down for a weekend in April. As his law school exams approach he'll only get busier and busier so it isn't the best time for a getting reaquainted weekend, but there is no changing that. I am nervous, because I have been hoping for this chance for months and I don't want to be disappointed. But I've thought about it and decided it is worth a try, since we still care very much about each other, and our relationship was so rewarding. So, here's hoping. But I am definitely still in shock!

today's project: off to the zoo

musing about: the least expected

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