April 25, 2004 - 8:56 p.m.

Why Am I Not Thrilled?

Spring is turning out to be a wonderful season here in the Boston area, despite its cold, wet start. For the past couple of weeks, the weather has been mostly gorgeous. The daffodils have bloomed, the forsythia bushes are a riot of yellow, my tulips are opening, and the trees are just showing a haze of budding green leaves. It is gorgeous and makes the long, cold winter seem worthwhile.

Meanwhile, the hometown boys, the Red Sox, are having an incredible spring. Even without Nomar Garciaparra and Trot Nixon in the starting lineup, their record is 12-6. Better yet, the Sox have won 6 of the 7 games they have played against the Yankees, including sweeping this weekend's three game series in NY! Dude! It is a wonderful time to be a Sox fan, and I am loving every minute of it, even though several of the games have been real nail-biters. It's exciting stuff, people!

Despite all of that, for the past couple of days, I have been in a royal funk. I'm not sure how to describe it other than that for no apparent reason I have been feeling the urge to throw a tantrum worthy of a vexed two year-old. In fact, vexed is about the best way I can describe my mood, though there has been no event to cause the feeling. I suspect it is a stress thing. I've been trying to line up a volunteering position to introduce me to the child life field, and so far none of my inquiries have panned out. A couple of hospitals don't have child life programs, one asks volunteers for a one year commitment, and another hasn't returned my calls or emails. Ugh. I am not sure how I am ever going to become I child life specialist if I cannot even get the volunteer experience to qualify for an internship or graduate program.

Also, it's been far too long since I've seen Sam. I don't know exactly when our next visit will be, but probably sometime between the middle and end of May. In other words, not soon enough. I am feeling his absence keenly for several reasons. He's busy and stressed with exams, so I wish I could be there to make sure he eats right and gets the occasional backrub. I am stressed from the volunteering debacle and the uncertainty of what I will be doing in the fall, and wish Sam could be here to reassure and calm me. Last, but not least, the beautiful spring has made me wish we could be together hiking, kayaking, feeding the ducks, and picnicking.

Yeah, it's mostly the missing Sam that is vexing me. Just writing about it makes me want to throw myself on the floor and kick and scream for a while. I don't think it would make me feel much better, though, and would almost certainly impare my credibility with the kids. :) So, I will just watch some more TV and sulk. After all, I have survived more than a year and a half of being far away from Sam; I can certainly survive a few more months.

today's project: a very productive NCV rehearsal

Did you know? It took the Lusitania only 18 minutes to sink after it was hit.

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flutter back - fly ahead