December 13, 2003 - 1:51 p.m.

I Could Just About Cry

Rehearsals have been really discouraging. At times I have almost wished I were a less nice person and could just drop out. There just isn't enough time, it feels, to really work through everything, and people aren't focusing during the time we have. I understand that folks want to have fun; I do too, and this is an amateur show - we're all in this for fun not money or fame! (Anyone notice the insanely convoluted, and almost certainly incorrect punctuation of that last sentence? This is what happens when you try to type out the stream-of-consciousness thoughts inside your head!) But I don't want to be embarrassed when people I know come to see the show. Right now I am worried that we'll be lucky if the show ends up being as entertaining as a school play - and I am talking elementary school. Ugh. It's frustrating to devote so much time and energy to something I am not sure I can be proud of.

On the plus side, even though the show is opening on Friday, we have nearly half of our rehearsal time left. See, we've been rehearsing only on the weekends. This week, though we go into lengthy evening rehearsals including full run throughs of the show. Tomorrow we rehearse from 1-10, and Monday - Thursday from the afternoon late into the evening. Being an optimist, I am hoping that all that repetition day after day will finally get the songs and dance moves into everyone's heads... We'll see. As I have said before, there is a lot of talent in the show, but we really need to step it up or it will be a disaster and people will want their money back!

It may be a bad idea that I am going to see a different musical tonight. A friend of mine is in a production of Gilbert and Sullivan's The Gondoliers, and I am going to the show tonight. The cast has several conservatory voice students in it, so I am sure it is a high quality show. But even if it depresses me to compare the show I'm in to my friend's, I have to support her. And really, I love musicals, so if I can get away from the inferiority complex, I will enjoy it immensely. :)

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