September 27, 2003 - 1:16 p.m.

Happy Birthday To Me!

As I wrote the date on my deposit slip at the bank yesterday, the fact of my birthday finally sank in. Crazy, I know, but as usual with me, I was so caught up in the details of arranging my own party and coming up with a wish list for my mom and things like that that not even the dread of getting another year older had hit me yet. I cannot believe that I am 28! I don't really feel very different than I did five years ago, but getting so close to being thirty is a little weird for me.

I don't know why I am somewhat uncomfortable getting older. I don't feel 28, and I certainly don't look 28, so what difference does that number make? I know it totally shouldn't matter to me, but it does. I think it mostly has to do with the passage of time rather than aging. As I mark the end of another year of my life, it becomes increasingly clear to me that I don't have a real direction to my life. I am pretty happy with most elements of my life as they are right now, but I can't see myself sticking to this pattern in the long term. Problem is I have very little idea of what the future holds for me or even what I want it to hold that is a workable goal. Normally I don't worry too much about that sort of thing, since I am not by nature an ambitious person, but around every birthday I start to question whether I should come up with a better game plan for my life.

Anyway, I am a little more relaxed about tonight's party than I had been. I am still a little nervous about the interactions between my various friends, some of whom have never met, and about the logisitics of the party. The need for one hour photo developing has been a real thorn in my side, but I think it will work out fine. I found a yummy sounding restaurant for dinner, and I will be surrounded by most of my friends, so I should be able to have fun. It isn't even supposed to rain until late tonight, so all is going according to plan. :)

I'll let you all know how the party went.

today's project: M's birthday party immediately followed by my own.

musing about: life goals

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