May 25, 2003 - 9:20 p.m.

I Will Not Take These Things For Granted

It's really easy, when you're dealing with a long distance relationship, to get caught up in feeling sorry for yourself. Sometimes, I get so busy worrying about the logistics of the next visit or topics of conversation for the next phone call, that I lose sight of why this relationship is worth trying to bridge the gulf of the many miles between here and Virginia.

But, when you get right down to it, while not being able to see my boyfriend when I really want to sucks, I am very lucky to have him in my life, near or far. There is a reason I didn't just give up and move on when he needed time and space to think. There is a reason I sacrifice some of the money that could go in my savings account and brave the perils of airport security to visit him every few weeks. There is a reason many of my conversations include at least one reference to Sam. Basically, he's an absolutely incredible person that I admire, respect, and love to a degree that sometimes astonishes both of us.

Sam likes to make me pancakes on weekend mornings and happily gives me backrubs after a stressful day. He is a deep thinker and a hearty laugher. He is fiercely determined yet amazingly tender. From intelligence to adventurousness, he exceeds all my hopes and expectations for a boyfriend, and treats me with a degree of respect and thoughtfulness I didn't know was possible before he came into my life.

With all that going for him, it's a wonder I don't feel unworthy of him. But Sam is so accepting and appreciative of me that, while I never take him for granted, I can harbor no such doubts. In fact, one of the things I cherish most about our relationship is that he knows and appreciates the real me. While I may play down certain aspects of my personality with some people in my life, with Sam I am able to always be totally myself. He knows and cares for the real me, from my childish exuberance to my hopeless romanticism, and that is an incredibly freeing experience. He tells me I am beautiful first thing in the morning when my hair is touseld and tangled and my eyes puffy from sleep. After I've done something foolish and we've both had a good laugh at my expense, he'll wrap his arms around me and tell me that I am great. Is it any wonder I wasn't willing to let this guy go without a fight?

But as wonderful as Sam is, what continues to astound me is how wonderful we are together. We enjoy doing so many things together, from cooking to discussing politics, from snorkeling to just cuddling on the couch while watching a movie. Simple daily activities like going for a run or doing the grocery shopping can be fun when we are together, and special times are even more exciting when we share them. And while we are different in many ways, our personalities seem to fit together very nicely. His practical nature complements my implusivity, and his determination balances my impatience. Somehow, he naturally brings out the best in me, and I think I do the same for him. It really is a case of synergy. Together we are more confident, more stable, more open, more able to face life's challenges than we are apart.

That's probably why it's so hard for me to imagine so much of what I want to do with my life without him. When I buy a house someday, I can just see the two of us arguing about what colors to paint the walls and honing our home improvement skills together. I want to plant a vegetable garden with him and have to brainstorm together to figure out ways to cook all the produce we've grown. I want to know that at the end of a long day at work I can come home to the comfort of being wrapped up in his strong arms. I would love to be able to wake up to his smile every morning. I dream of seeing the Rockies for the first time with him at my side, of celebrating all of life's highs and working through its lows together. We still have some details to figure out in our relationship, but I know that we complement one another in a way that can move me to tears, that our differences are secondary to our common desire to fully embrace every opportunity in our lives and to never take anything for granted. And we are quite possibly the greatest opportunity I will ever have in my life, so I am determined to do whatever it takes to nurture our relationship and make the most of it. Even if that means moving to Virginia.

Well, I am off to watch An Ideal Husband, which happens to be the movie Sam and I rented on our second date. Can you tell I am feeling nostalgic?

today's project: I spent much of the day working on a new design for this page. So be prepared for some major chang

musing about: spending a whole week with Sam in July... I can't wait!

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flutter back - fly ahead