May 19, 2003 - 9:13 p.m.

What A Nice Monday!

Despite my fears after B's evil weekend, today was a good day. All the kids were very well-behaved, the sun was shining, it was warm, and even the dog was fun.

Since it was so gorgeous, I decided to go for a bike ride instead of going to the gym. I took a path out to the local nature preserve. That was a good call, both because the scenery was very nice and because it was a very quiet road. I am a bit of a chicken when it comes to riding my bike on the road, so it's nice to be on a road that was pretty much deserted. I rode for an hour, so I got a nice workout, but still had time to lounge in the hammock with my book when I got home. The only thing that would have made the morning better would have been having Sam here to go on the bike ride and then cuddle in the hammock.

I really miss him. It's hard to describe how different I feel without him now than I did before the pseudo break-up. In the fall, while I certainly wasn't happy we were apart, it was way easier to focus on the positives and just look forward to our next visit. Now I find myself stressing about what the future holds and how best to handle the distance. When I am with him, all that goes away, and I am content to just bask in the pleasure of his presence. Ah well. I think when or if I make a decision about whether or not to move down there, and when, it will be a lot easier. I already knew I stress out over decisions, so maybe I should just make it and get on with our relationship.

Back to the subject of my day, the kids and I spent most of the afternoon outside. I did some planting in my teeny garden, and the muchkins helped me rinse the disgusting layer of pollen off my car (no wonder I had a sinus headache earlier). It was so warm out, that I even consented to spraying them a bit with the hose. It's nice when I get to be the "fun" nanny! B, in particular, doesn't seem to understand that when I tell him no it isn't just because I am out to get him or enjoy thwarting his wishes. That gets really frustrating, so it's really nice when I can let them just cut loose and have fun without worrying about wet clothes or colds or whatever else. Sadly, too often I have to be the voice of reason, but not today. :)

I think I have figured out how to get my VCR to tape American Idol tomorrow night. I certainly hope so, since it's the final showdown and I am going out to dinner with the nanny book group. Maybe I will call my mom and see if she can tape it as my backup. At this point, I don't think it matters all that much who wins. I think Clay and Ruben will both be very likely to land recording contracts regardless of whether they win the title of American Idol. But I really am curious to see what they sing, how they hold up under the pressure of the final night. I still hope Clay wins, though, that would be a huge triumph for all of us who are gawky, geeky, or goofy. Not that Ruben is a model of the perfect pop star form, or anything, but, for whatever reason, there isn't the same pressure on African American musicians that there is on others. Look at Aretha Franklin, Notorious B.I.G., Peabo Bryson, and Missy Elliot. That said, I think I will be okay with either outcome, but I definitely want to see it play out!

today's project: watering the kids to see if they'll grow

musing about: what tomorrow holds

�

flutter back - fly ahead