February 03, 2003 - 1:40 p.m.

What Would Mary Poppins Do?

Warning for those who don't deal with kids on a regular basis or are easily grossed out: this entry is full of shit, literally. Read at your own risk, but I won't get too graphic.

We (being the parents and myself) have been trying to potty train B for months. He picked up on the urination end of things in a reasonable amount of time, and by the end of the summer was almost never wetting his pants. In contrast, he has yet to even approach mastery of the fine art of defecating in the toilet. Late last spring, when the discrepancy began to surface, we shrugged it off. No two kids potty train in exactly the same way, and he was not even three and a half yet. No biggie, we thought. One of his teachers even told us that boys often develop the muscular skills to control defecation later than those for urination. So we gave it time, and simply grinned and bore it that we had to deal with lots of poopy underwear.

Then we noticed that B had taken to hiding in a corner or under the kitchen table while pooping in his pants. Clearly the child had some sense of when he needed to go because he would stop what he was doing and hide, only to emerge smelly and often lying about the fact that he had pooped at all. We tried being accepting, encouraging, etc. We talked to him about listening to how his body felt before he hid and suggesting he go to the bathroom at those times instead. No dice. For a long time he seemed incapable of having a bowel movement while sitting on the toilet, except that once in a blue moon it would happen, seemingly by accident (as evidenced by the fact that even B would be surprised it had happened and the evidence in the toilet would be miniscule). When it did happen, we made sure to praise him effusively and tell him what a big boy he was. Meanwhile, we were still discovering most of his solid waste deposited in his underwear.

We tried sticker charts, we tried food rewards, we even tried pointing out when one of the girls (or more humiliating yet, one of us, the grown-ups) had managed the seemingly simple task of ensuring one's feces landed with a satisfying plop in the toilet. Nothing has worked for any length of time - sometimes he'll do really well for a day or two and then we'll have a day when we have to change upwards of three pairs of nasty underwear. I've tried reading to him while he sits on the toilet in hopes that if he just sits there long enough nature will take its course. We help him as little as possible with changing out of the dirty items and into clean ones when he has an accident. We remind him that his sisters, grandparents, parents, friends, nanny, and even his beloved Sam (my ex - whom B practically worships) always poop "on the potty". We have threatened, pleaded, cajoled, and silently endured, all to no avail. The child will be four years old in just over three weeks, and I am beginning to wonder whether the end to this revolting phase will ever come.

But it gets better yet. Now, not only does he seem aware of when he needs to go most of the time, he will even make his way into the bathroom, close the door, and proceed to have the bowel movement IN HIS PANTS! Once I even walked into the bathroom, suspicious of the quiet in there, and found him crouched down with his hands on the toilet seat while he informed me with a chagrinned look that he "had an accident". AAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH! When I decide to forgo his privacy and insist in accompanying him to the bathroom at all times, he either says he doesn't need to go or sits briefly on the toilet then goes back to whatver he is doing and seems to wait for the moment I have my back turned or am in another room to let loose. It's obvious he has some control over the process and yet we're still going through all this.

It has occurred to us that it may be attention he is after, so we've tried giving him lots of one on one time, accompanying him to the bathroom when he says he needs to go or when we feel a preventative visit is in order. We've even tried leaving him alone while he changes himself to minimize the attention gotten from an "accident", but none of those tactics seems to work. It has gotten really frustrating, and a couple of weeks ago I think we were all near the end of our ropes. His mom, his dad, and I had all yelled at him at one point or another for pooping in his pants, a fact of which none of us were proud. Luckily, there has been some slight improvement since then. With lots of encouragement and rewards in place (he gets a piece of gum or a few M&Ms every time he defecates in the appropriate receptacle) more and more of his waste is finding its way into the toilet. But still he will often poop in the underwear five or ten minutes after going on the toilet.

I have to say that right now this is the single most frustrating aspect of my job. And if you think I should be prepared to deal with shit if I cam going to be a nanny, you are correct. I have no problem changing dirty diapers. Dirty underwear is a whole different story. You can throw away a diaper. Stinky undies I get to rinse out before they can go in the wash and then I get to deal with the stinky bum that was in said undies. Yuck. And I get to do this every day. Sometimes more than once.

We're going to throw a party if the child goes more than two days without messing his pants, I swear! You would not believe the dance of joy I will be doing. Meanwhile I really have to force myself to believe that day will come. God help us in the meantime! What exactly would Mary Poppins do in our shoes?

today's project: possibly homemade beanbags

musing about: the fact that it feels balmy today and it's about 43 degrees.

�

flutter back - fly ahead