March 01, 2003 - 11:10 a.m.

The Day of Exes

Yesterday was an interesting day. I had a nice dinner with one of my ex-boyfriends. I've had a particularly complicated relationship with this ex. We first dated in college and tried again about 4 years ago. Just before dating the second time, we bought a house together with a third friend, so we were living in the same house both while we were dating and after our somewhat messy break-up. It was not pretty, and we established some pretty big grudges against one another. Anyway, we continued to cross paths periodically. More recently, he had emailed me hoping to reestablish our friendhsip. On the one hand, I was reluctant, because we had done a pretty good job of hurting one another in the past. At the same time, it was pretty clear that we had both changed, and due to my eternal optimism, I would rather give someone a second chance if they seem willing to work at it, which he did.

So we went out to dinner, and had a good time. He's a very funny guy and can be very entertaining. I have no idea or plans as to where things will go from here, but it was interesting to see that we were both capable of putting the old animosity behind us. Of course, having lived away from each other for almost two years has helped that process quite a bit. :)

Then when I got home, I decided to call the most recent ex. Maybe because the cruise with my mom brought up memories of and comparisons to the cruise I took with him last year, but for a few days, I have been sadder about the break-up than in quite a while. It could also be that it's been almost two months since I've seen him, and we haven't talked or emailed as much lately, so I may just be missing him. Talking to him was nice for the most part, but as always, it was also awkward, since I am not at liberty to be as open with him as I would like to be. Every time we talk there is a part of me that wants to ask him whether he still cares about me romantically, whether he misses me or misses having me as his girlfriend, whether I should make myself give up the hope that refuses to let go on its own... But I can never quite bring myself to ask the hard questions, probably because I am afraid I won't like the answers. Despite all that, it was good to catch up a bit on his life and talk and laugh a bit.

So that was my full day of relating to ex-boyfriends! I also went to the bookstore yesterday and visited the travel section. It appears I am going to Venice (yay!) with my brother, so I wanted to pick up a guide book. We'll be there for three and a half days, so I want to make sure I have at least a vague game plan for what I _really_ want to see and what I could live without if we run out of time. Almost half the fun of a big trip for me is the planning and anticipation, so it should be a fun couple of weeks until we go! :)

On today's agenda is a visit to the gym, since I only went once last week, and B's birthday party this afternoon. Then I head to a friend's place for a gathering to watch Lord of the Rings and play games and such. Should be a nice contrast to my very quiet morning predominantly spent reading in bed (_A Widow for One Year_ by John Irving - I highly recommend it).

today's project: being entertained by preschooler birthday antics

musing about: canals and gondolas

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